Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Worry Rock"

So I'm having a very down and out day. I know that this probably sounds stupid, but i can't really help it. I feel so unimportant. I really hate being an introvert sometimes, and a few people know exactly what i'm talking about in this sense. I can't talk to people and it bugs me. So here's the thing. I really need to know what the good things and bad things are about me, so maybe I can try and change things around a little bit so I can be happy. That's all I want to know.

Moral of the story: "If I could just get your attention, I'd never let it go"-- Butch Walker
  • Current Music
    CSI: Vegas

"Don't Panic"

Wow. It's been a while.

So this is my song of the day:

"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’ll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I’ll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?
Oh, didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?
Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin’.
Oh, didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.
I’ll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I’ll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?
Oh, didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?
Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin’.
Oh, didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?
Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin’.
Oh, didn’t i, didn’t i, didn’t I see you cryin’?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me."-- Letters To Cleo

Moral of the story: ... I don't actually have one today. I'm dead tired right now. Sorry guys.
  • Current Music
    Anna Nalick
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Gifts and Curses"

This is officially my new favorite quote ever. It's from Through the Ivory Gate by Rita Dove:

“‘Two gates for ghostly dreams there are: one gateway of honest horn, and one of ivory. Issuing by the ivory gate are dreams of glimmering illusion, fantasies, but those that come through solid polished horn may be borne out, if mortals only know them’ Illusion. Glimmering illusion. That’s all we’re doing. We’re playing with shadows, pretending they’ll come to life with the first rays of the full moon. And we learn to do it so well that other people believe in the shadows. But do you know what? To the others, the shadows are real. Only to us they’re not."

I love it!

Moral of the story: I finally finished that stupid paper!
  • Current Music
    Spiderman 2 soundtrack
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Raise The Roof"



Shaken, Not Stirred (hahahaha sarah! that's so good!)

Moral of the story: CLASS COLOR DAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!! WOOTNESS!!!!!!!!!! I'm so finding something blue to mark the feshies and sophies with tomorrow, i don't care if your not supposed to tag this year! Plus I haven't bought my homecoming ticket yet, so they can't take it away from me *until lunch tomorrow, oh well*
  • Current Music
    Carbon Leaf: Gray Sky Eyes
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Behind Those Eyes"

Wow I hadn't realized how long it has been since I last updated! I blame school, and rightfully so.

I don't think I've ever had so much school work in my whole life, and I've figured out that as High School progresses, not only does the work get harder and more time consuming, the social half of it gets so much more difficutl and confusing as well. Is it ironic, or is it just me? Ne who, the only good thing about my work load and social life being as crazy as they are is that I'm getting a lot better at dealing with stress. "Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*".

It's like the third day in a row I've woken up thinking about Colorado. I think my subconcious *sp* is try to tell me something. Maybe it didn't get the memo, I KNOW ALREADY! Actually, I heard on the news the other day that Breckenridge got 16 inches of snow. And why am I still living in VA? lol, cuz of all the ppls. Luv you guys!

It's so quiet here this morning. I have the whole house to myself, but that should end any minute now since my bro's soccer game is over. He y mi padre should be gettin home any time now. It's too bad though, I love having the house to myself. It gives me a chance to be deep and thoughtful without accidentally ignoring people. Oh ya, and it gives me a shot at the tv too.

I was watching this week's LOST for the second time this morning. I lurv that show so much. I've decided I need to find a guy like Charlie who will bring me peanut butter when I'm stranded on an island and run into the jungle risking his life to bring my baby back. Oh, wait, I don't have a baby... Ok, well he can run into the jungle risking his life to bring... my hamster back. that works.

We have a new member of the family. My bro got a Lepord Gecko. It's just a little baby, and it's really cute, which surprised me. It's name is Salizar, like in Harry Potter, but the funny thing is we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet... If it turns out to be a girl, we could just call her Sally right?

Jen, I hope the concert was good last night! You so have to tell me about it. I'm going to call later, but I figured you'd still be sleeping or something, i have no idea how long the concert was. "Sugar we're going down!" wootness! I wish I coulda gone, but then I wouldn't be able to go to homecoming. So ya, FYI, I've decided to go again. What the hay right?

Moral of the story: I'm feeling extremely random today, can you tell?
  • Current Music
    3 Doors Down-- Landing in London
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Grey Sky Eyes"

........ I got bord.

Birthdate:Feb. 3
Birthplace:Washington, D.C.
Current Location:VA
Eye Color:Hazel
Hair Color:Brownish blondish
Height:5' 2"
Piercings:just ears
Overused Phraze:"Don't ask, you don't want to know." mainly used for my bro.
Number:9 :)
Animal:green sea turtle
Drink:orange soda *sunkist*
Alcohol Drink:um... i'm not 21...
Bagel:i don't like bagels
Body Part on Opposite sex:Eyes
This or That
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
McDonalds or BurgerKing:niether ick!
Strawberry or Watermelon:strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea:don't like tea
Chocolate or VanillaCHOCOLATE stupid question
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:coffee
Kiss or Hug:both
Dog or Cat:both
Rap or Punk:punk
Summer or Winter:spring! lol
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:both
Love or Money:love
Most Missed Memory:colorado....... *tear*
Best phyiscal feature:um... i dunno
First Thought Waking Up:stupid alarm clock
Goal for this year:to pass AP History
Best Friends:Jen, Tom, Fields, Carrie ect.
Weakness:I trust too easily and then get burned
Fears:Grates (in the street) and the ocean mostly
Heritage:German and Scottish
Longest relationship:um... the lack of one i suppose
Ever Drank:ya, but not much. I don't like much of it
Ever Smoked:nope
Pot:deffinetly not
Ever been Drunk:nope
Ever been beaten up:nope
Ever beaten someone up:lol, oh ya
Ever Shoplifted:nope *i know, i'm such a good girl (evil grin)*
Ever Skinny Dipped:nope
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:sadly no
Been Dumped Lately:to get dumped you'd first have to be going out with someone, so no
Favorite Eye Color:blue or green
Favorite Hair Color:black or brown
Short or Long:short or medium
Height:taller than me but not by a whole lot
Style:style? like cloths? I don't care.
Looks or Personality:Personality has to be great! funny, carring ect. Looks aren't important
Hot or CuteCute
Drugs and Alcohol:niether
Muscular or Really Skinny:muscular, but like i said, it doesn't really matter
Number of Regrets in the Past:too many
What country do you want to Visit:England *take me w/ u jen!* or New Zealand
How do you want to Die:um... natural causes a long time from now
Been to the Mall Lately:sadly no again
Do you like Thunderstorms:hell ya!
Get along with your Parents:sure
Health Freak:not really
Do you think your Attractive:kinda
Believe in Yourself:yes
Want to go to College:hell ya!
Do you Smoke:nope
Do you Drink:nope
Shower Daily:lol yes. I'm a loser tom
Been in Love:not yet
Do you Sing:in the shower and in the car
Want to get Married:someday
Do you want Children:someday
Have your future kids names planned out:lol ya
Age you wanna lose your Virginity:um... lol, i dunno. Some age after 17.
Hate anyone:yup


Moral of the story: You guys probably knew all this stuff already, but what the hell right? lol
  • Current Music
    Counting Crows-- Goodnight L.A.
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"I Want to Be Loved"

So I just tried to update my stupid myspace log thingy, but myspace, faithful as ever, fucked up and I have no idea if that blog even got saved. So I'll try here cuz livejournal kicks ass when it comes to online journals.

Homecoming has been on my mind a lot lately, and not necisarily in a good way. I know I'm retarted for saying the stuff I'm about to say because its so stupid, but you know what? It's not like I decided to feel this way.

Everyone has been obsessed with homecoming lately. At least ten people have told me I'm going this year whether I like it or not, or whether I can afford it or not. This might be news to people, but my family can't exactly through money around right now. Things are a little tight and I'm broke, so I don't know how anyone expects me to be able to go. I can't afford the tickets, I can't afford the dress, I can't afford dinner, and I especially can't afford all of them together. The minute I said I didn't think i was going to homecoming this year I had like 3 people yelling at me. I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm no fan of dances! I'm sorry I don't have money to spare! It's not like I don't want to go. Ok, well, it is a little.

Ever since middle school I've never really liked dances. I only went to about 4 of them in the 3 years I was at toano, you can ask my middle school buddies about that if you need proof. Plus I just don't like the main point of dances: being with your "special someone". It's like throwing it in my face that I don't have a "special someone". Ya, thanks for the reminder. I've never been asked to a dance, I don't have anyone to go with, which seems to be the big point for these stupid dances, and frankly, it's kinda depressing. I'd ask Kenny to come with me again, but he moved. But don't get me wrong. With all the complaining i'm spewing at you guys *for which I'm sorry* It's not like there's anyone I really want to go with. I know I'm not the only one going stag, but it's different. Even out of my friends, they've all been in that spot before, but I haven't. They have something to miss whereas I have nothing to miss. I don't even have anything to wonder after. I'm sure that once I get to the dance I'll have a lot of fun, but in the weeks and days leading up to that, I'm not going to be having fun when everyone starts talking about their dresses that I can't have and their dates that I didn't get. I understand that I might not be the model of the perfect teen, but who is? I don't understand what i'm doing differently than everyone else. And now i'm back to my old arguement.

I'm sure you all want me to shut up now, so I'll gladly grant that wish before I put you all to sleep or make you all mad at me.

Moral of the story: I really need to get some writing done. That would make me feel better. Or a trip to Colorado. I'd be in heaven then...
  • Current Music
    John Mayer- Love Song for No One
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Good Times Gonna Come"

So to add to all my homework that I will inevitably recieve this week, I now have added 2 persuasive letters that I have to write preferably sometime this week and a letter asking for permission to write before I can write one of those persausive letters...

Someone shoot me now lol. I'm never gonna make it through this semester alive! Oh well, as crazy as it is for me to say this, at least I have the Charlottesville band trip to look forward to next month. Any excuse to go to Charlottesville is a good one in my book.

Speeking of book... lol, I have a new idea I'm working on *please don't hurt me jen!* And I'm really excited about it. I hope all my friends will be ok that I'm taking all you guys and mixing them into my 3 main characters cuz you guys crack me up and keep my life fun, so I want all the cool things about you guys in my characters.

Also, I have to find somewhere to fit in reading Eldest. Which will never happen, but a girl can dream!

Moral of the story: be glad you don't have my schedual lol. And I probably have one of the easier ones.
  • Current Music
    The West Wing
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"Sugar, We're Going Down"

So, I guess I never got around to the Maine update. If your interested, just ask me about it. I'm just lazy like that.

I'm starting to worry about *in fear of sounding completely selfish* me. And I know every other 11th grader is feeling the exactly same way right now, but I'm totally swamped. As soon as I catch back up, I get another whole load of work dumped on me. I'm hoping that it's just because it's the beginning of the semester. Ya, I know, wishful thinking. Oh well, I'm aloud to dream, aren't I?

I'm getting kinda anxious though honestly. I'm very schedualed out right now. My schedual for this week is lesson monday, band practice tuesday, nothing wednesday *amazing*, band practice thursday, i don't think i have a football game on friday, but that will be starting soon, and then band practice saturday morning. Somewhere in there I'm going to try to fit in homework, Lit Mag, and MUN. I'm not sure how I plan on doing that yet, but I'll let you know how that works out. And I was thinking about getting a job! I've gone off my rocker.

Something that's really got me down lately is with all the crap going on with school I haven't had time to just write. Not even on the weekends. And that, for me, is depressing. I've had no creative outlet for about 3 weeks now and I'm going insane! I know Jen will kill me for this cuz she and my grandma yell at me for this, but since I've been not writing for so long my mind is drifting away from my current story idea and working on another. I'm sorry! I'm trying hard to keep it focused, but if I don't freakin write soon, there's not going to be any hope for it. I don't even remember what's happening in my own story it's been so long!

I also want to read Elder, but have to re-read Eragon first cuz I don't remember what happened, so maybe at the end of the year I'll be able to do that :( And then, with the extreme lack of money I have, I want to buy sims 2 expansion pack, Lost season 1 and 2 cds. Ya, not going to happen anytime soon, especially since I can't work a job into my schedual this semester. Maybe next semester will be better.

Moral of the story: I feel something really deep lingering at the edge of my mind, but it's not quite obtainable yet. I'll let you know when enlightenment hits.
  • Current Music
    New mix, currently Counting Crows
Charlie Buttah Icons1

"What If?"

So I know I'm way behind on bringing everyone up on what I did in Maine, but hang with me just a bit longer. Theres other things that need saying.

I've been thinking a lot about Huricane Katrina and how it's affecting the whole US. Once I got past the initial shock of the devistation it caused and the almost immediate (thank god) relief I felt when I found out that all my family members in the affected regions were safe and alive, I started thinking about how this is going to affect the rest of the country. I know that schools here in VA are grossly over crowded, and I'm guessing the same goes for other states with roughly the same population as VA. If refugees from all the affected areas are moving into already over crowded areas, what does that do for everyone already living there? Don't get me wrong, I want to help these people more than anyone can imagine, but the affect of the hurricane, as some may think, is not going to stay secluded in those four states. Already in the last week gas prices have risen a good 70 cents according to my mother. If the gas prices are heading up like this, what does that say for the price of everything else in the US that we buy everyday?

I guess what's really got me bothered about all of this is what I overheard my mother telling a friend of hers on the phone. She said that with prices rising as they are, simple pleasures aren't going to be part of the average person's budget anymore. Simple pleasures being things like books, movies, games, music ect. All of my dreams for the future lay in books and movies, and I hope that the problems arising now will be solved before i even have to start thinking about career options, but it worries me. I don't want to see my dreams and hopes killed because of what happened down south. Especially since if that were to happen I'd feel so guilty about being unhappy about it since all of those poor people lost family and homes ect. in the huricane. I'm sure I won't have to give up things completely if it ever came to that, but if simple pleasures really are kicked out, what kind of chance does that leave an asspiring, not succesful, writer like me? or those out there like me? I'm probably worrying for nothing, but that's what this journal if for right? to get my thoughts and fears out of me so that my friends can give me advice or just tell me I'm over reacting, which I probably am. Forgive me if my rambling bores anyone, that wasn't my intent. I just had to get it out of me. It's been festering ever since my mother talked to her friend on the phone last week.

Moral of the story: I have a right to be scared don't I?
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